I’ve
been avoiding it for years. It’s as if hanging onto it all somehow kept
them young.
Among
it, the Parents instrument set that
Carter got 8 years ago for his first birthday. It entertained all of us, including
Addison 4 years later, with hours of stomping around the living room, creating
an orchestra of noise. Then there was the Little
People train and barn set, also a classic, that sparked Carter's 4-year
train obsession, provided Addison with her first opportunities for imaginary
play, and me glorious floor time with each of them. These coveted
friends journeyed with us for almost 9 years and finally departed our home in
trash bags, each giving their final “beep” or “jingle” as if to say, “Thanks for having us…we’re onto something
new."
It
was the triggering event that finally dislodged the lump in my throat that's
been lurking for the months leading up to Addison leaving for Kindergarten. I fell
apart. I'm now a Mother of school-age kids; the process of cleaning out our
playroom brought to light that my life stage of kids-still-at-home is over.
Sure,
the de-cluttering process has been freeing. Carter unapologetically told
me which of the (thousands of) toy cars could go, as well as the various stuntmen
that drove them and the action figures that tried to blow them up. The
millions of tiny pieces (Tinkerbell's 1mm-sized shoe) that once had to find
safety on Christmas morning (to avoid being tossed with the wrapping paper) is
now safely among its kind for the next child to adore. I can see our playroom
floor and the items that filled every square inch of my living room now feels
“clean”. And I take great joy in knowing that we are passing along bags
and bags of treasures to kids who would otherwise not have them.
But
beyond the "cleaning out" lies the reality that yet another chapter
of my life is over and the pace at which this next one will pass will be twice
as fast.
A
friend of mine sent her oldest son to college this year and of the many
emotions she expressed, one of them was “weirdly natural”. I’m not quite
there yet. While I know the “stuff” doesn’t make the “stage”, I'm sad to go
from Geotrax to Minecraft, from Princesses to apps.
We’re
moving on and I know that what awaits me around the next corner of their lives
will be delightful and exciting. And I know that God has prepared me to Mother
them differently; to love them in this next stage...
But for now, I’m missing the one where they’re just little.
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