Monday, March 31, 2014

~Margins~

I stare at this blank page, ready to fill it with words that I've prayed will encourage. It's literally a blank slate and what I say can inspire and enlighten - or leave you unchanged.

In the same way, I woke my kids this morning singing, "Rise and Shine, and Give God Your Glory, Glory." Their day is new and similarly, they can give Him their glory or they can simply make it "another day".

And just moments ago, I opened my planner and glanced at the week, primarily empty of tasks and events, considering how I will spend my time in a way that is meaningful.

A new post, a new day, a new week...ready to be filled with something. My heart intends for it to be good things. Godly things.

The rise of the sun brings such lofty potential, yet I find the ideology of what "could be" quickly disappear as I [close in] on the reality of my day. My calendar, at first glance, is only light because I haven't transferred the things I didn't get done from last week to this week's pages. I begin the mental sparring of placing my actual responsibilities, my "shoulds", and "would-be-nice-tos" into a clean, time-blocked plan on my calendar. The freedom I felt in the newness of the morning quickly turned to anxiousness about my week.

My margins narrowed. That is, the amount of time available to me in my day and my week, beyond what is actually necessary for tasks and responsibilities, suddenly felt unforgiving and...even paralyzing. Where do I start? How do I begin to prioritize? But bigger and more exhausting than that...How long will I have to continue at this frenetic pace while managing the constant feeling of defeat and under-accomplishment? It's debilitating and a perfect strategy Satan employs to destroy me.

The irony of the intentions of my heart? Nowhere "on my calendar" was deliberate time with God, grounding me in the way of my day. After all, where was there time for meditation, prayer, or reading His Word?

The narrow margins of my day left no room for the very One I hoped to serve.


Hence the playground of Satan in the soul of me. And in you? I stand unprotected, empty of His fulfillment, clouded by the temptations of this world. I remain tethered to my own energy, my own plan, my own desires. I miss it. Nothing can feed defeat and a sense of under-accomplishment more than being apart from God.

If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it. Matthew 10:39, NLT

I actually giggle at the ridiculousness of it all. It's like planning a 50th wedding anniversary party for your parents and forgetting to invite them. I want my life to be about Him - for Him - yet I neglect to invite Him into the planning...into the foundational fibers of my day. So who, then, is it really about?

Margins. In a literal sense, they can be modified. We can narrow the edges of the paper to allow more words per line and fit "more" onto the paper. In the same way, we can widen them and allow in only that which really matters.

The same is true of our lives.