Diagnosis: Stuffatitis

We are days into the new year and as I’ve shared, “How were your holidays?” exchanges with friends, I find myself answering their inquiries with an unexpected response: “They were fine.”

Fine.  The sum of my Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year holidays were “fine”.  Nothing over-the-top in the way of travel, parties, or meals (certainly nothing over-post worthy, anyway.)  Yet the opposite is also true:  no travel delays, post-party regrets, or arduous meal planning and preparation.  So why the underwhelming “fine”?

It hit me today as I began to sieve through the post-tsunami mess that is “the holidays”.  This mess…this literal and figurative sinking into an abyss of clutter…is in the form of STUFF that flows from every room of my house, seemingly spills out of my car, and causes physical harm as I walk the hallways of my 3-story dwelling.  It’s wrapping paper, tissue paper, gift bags, bows, boxes, tape, scissors, ornaments (including the broken ones, which reside in their own special corner I’ve named ‘the ornament graveyard’) garland, cookie containers, cookie cutters, cards, special Christmas dishes, Christmas soaps, Christmas towels…and yes, even the gifts…gifts that are too small, too big, the wrong color, the wrong sku number, a duplicate, a disappointment…

I began to wonder where the holidays had gone, and why I was so exhausted.  But mostly, I wondered why I felt so empty after “all that work”.  And to make matters worse, everywhere I turned, there was more of it…more stuff that I needed to manage. 

But I’m getting ahead of myself, so let’s back up.  I suspect your holidays may have looked a bit similar, if not embarrassingly exact. 

Six weeks or so before Christmas, the catalogs came in the mail.  Dozens of them.  Each day, my mailbox door dangled open, almost beckoning someone to please relieve it of all its contents:  toy catalogs, furniture catalogs, Christmas furnishing catalogs, warehouse catalogs, food catalogs, gift basket catalogs and my favorite kind of catalog: “just for her” catalogs that were simply the same items from the bigger catalogs, but marketed to my specific demographic.  Each day as they arrived, my kids frenetically thumbed through each page with a different color Sharpie, noting their specific interests with their initials, exclaiming, “add that to the list.”  (My 9-year old daughter even ripped pages out of catalogs and printed pictures from her online wishes and created a folder.) 

The excitement was contagious and I, too, began to create my own folders and my own lists.  I had a folder for coupons and discount codes, a folder for receipts, and even a folder for recipes that sounded delicious.  I started lists:  lists on my phone, lists on paper, lists in email, lists on post-it notes, lists in my special Christmas organizer.  The lists varied:  there was the “to buy for” list, the “budget list”, the “who wants what” list, the “what I’ve already bought and still need to buy” list, the “big gift” list, the “stocking stuffer” list, the “where I hid things” list, the “better shop early so I have enough lead time to get it wrapped, boxed, and mailed” list and even the “in case someone asks what I want” list.  Some lists even denoted “I grabbed it because it was on sale”, or “grabbed it in case someone can’t find it” or “I can always hold this back for a birthday”.  Christmas Kool-Aid, anyone?

As I combed websites for the best deals, yet also made sure that I shopped big, shopped small, shopped homemade, and shopped local, we also began to deck our halls.  You know how this goes: entire weekends dedicated to putting away existing stuff in your home to make room for the Christmas stuff.  We took down the family pictures to put up the collection of Santas.  We shoved the everyday knick-knacks in drawers to display the candy sleigh.  We put away the fall hand towels and pumpkin-spice hand soap and replaced it with the fa-la-la tea towel and fir candle. Put away, hang up, display…for days. 

And the more decking we did, the more that was required:  Grab “Target List” and run out to fetch Scotch’s newest mounting product to hang HomeGoods vintage snowman sign, a few extra bulbs for the Christmas tree lights, and replace last year’s outdoor bows faded from the sun.  While there, stumble across this year’s cuteness and re-think entire outdoor decorating strategy.  Upon returning home with $500 worth of “essentials”, listen to husband create new words as he staples strings of lights from the porch balcony and drags last year’s Costco Rudolph out whilst reminding you that it “takes up way too much room in his garage.”  Order new second-story porch inflatable and while online, despite every effort to practice self-control, you discover even “cuter” items and decide you need an entirely new theme to replace the tired kitchen burgundy-and-silver motif you’ve had for the last 5 years.  Spend hours fluffing garland, sorting pictures on your hard drive for the annual family picture tree (that doesn’t make it up…again), and pray that you took all the batteries out of the little singing angels last year before packing them away.  Drag in cardboard boxes, complete with roach poop from husband’s coveted garage, and determine best way to ensure the handmade ornaments your kids made in preschool don’t get broken or misplaced while simultaneously barking at your kids for having the audacity to touch them.  Are you with me?

Perhaps you, like me, suddenly realize you’ve spent innumerable minutes, hours, and days placing, cleaning, fixing, shining, hanging, hiding, purchasing, organizing, price-matching, and researching STUFF. 

And it’s only December 2^nd.

Realizing I may be ‘a little off course’, and in my desperate attempt to glean the true meaning of Christmas, I switch my radio station to full-time Christian radio (being sure to avoid Drake’s version of “Silent Night”), pull out my Advent storybook with accompanying handmade ornaments we made as a Bible Study a few years back, and dive into Luke, Chapter 2 with a steaming eggnog latte.  I find a moment of joy amidst the management of the stuff.

As the days of the Christmas season unfold, so does my responsibility to manage any matter having to do with buying, hiding, organizing, cleaning, or exchanging items…things...stuff.  I begin to accept my role as President and CEO of Stuff, Inc. as I gleefully wipe the tree sap from the backseat of the car from the Christmas tree transport home, carefully select the perfect accessories for my children to wear to school on Christmas sock day, Christmas hat day, and Ugly Christmas sweater day.  I double and triple check the required items needed for daughter’s choir attire for the school program while ensuring all items needed for her classroom Christmas party have been covered by my fellow Stuff Managers (a.k.a. “Moms”.)

Like many organization’s leaders, I find I wear many hats:  I am also the President of Everyone Else’s Christmas List for Everyone Else.  (Note:  This did not come with a pay raise.)  Yes, the days of thoughtfully considering your loved ones and what he/she may enjoy have been outsourced by none other than…ME.  I will spend hours of my stuff-management days taking the hassle out of creative and personal gift-giving for inquiring aunts, confused parents, technically challenged in-laws, and want-to-make-it-perfect grandparents.  I will carefully study the aforementioned Sharpie initials, discern if squeal from TV commercial item is purchase-worthy, prioritize item based on how long it will take that item to make it to the “donate pile”, identify how serious he/she is about said item, determine whether or not it will fit in his/her bedroom, and identify the best model number before whisking off a detailed email to weary Gift-Givers, being ever-so-sure to include preferred size, color, brand and, in some cases, whether or not Costco has it in a “bundle”, and in many cases, a direct link to the most competitive price WITH free shipping. 

I know what you’re thinking…that I’m an over-achiever, right?  Actually, this strategy ensures future efficiencies in stuff-management by avoiding last minute trips to the mall (with me), enduring desperate web searches (sitting next to me), reduces post-Christmas returns (by me) and even minimizes the need for re-gift storage (yep…I got this one too).

These efficiencies are only accomplished, of course, assuming Gift Givers play by the rules.  (I am also meticulous at ensuring the rules are clear and outlined for all:  upon receipt of email and determination of item to be purchased, shopper is directed to “reply all” so that all others on email are notified of his/her intentions.)  No creativity needed!  Determine your budget, scan the list, click and buy.  Voila!  You are “finished shopping” for that person and you get the glory of getting JUST the right thing!

Alas, you can imagine my surprise when:  1) no one communicates what he/she takes from each list, or 2) daily, frantic texts blast my phone with inquiries about who-got-what-for-whom, or 3) the two-day before Christmas panic of “what’s still left on the list?”  This, dear friends, is when my stuff-management skills really begin to shine.

But wait, there’s more!  As “stuff” begins to arrive on my doorstep from Jim (yes, I am now on a first-name basis with our neighborhood UPS driver), I quickly became skilled at how and where to best hide it.  (After all, if it didn’t come from Amazon, the recipient of said stuff would know what was in the box.)  I creatively and strategically hide big boxes, little boxes, re-taped boxes, boxes shoved in my mailbox, boxes left behind my poinsettias, boxes arriving all day and all night.  I store stuff up high, down low, and even in my kids’ closets.  (Smart idea if your kids don’t manage their closet stuff.)  And the important, secret stuff?  You guessed it.  At my fellow Stuff Managers’ houses.  They house my stuff -- and I theirs.

Stuff-management reaches a new threshold of complexity when out-of-towners come for Christmas because you know what?  Jim (you remember, my UPS guy?) brings me their stuff too.  But as if to test my stuff-management qualifications, their stuff is not addressed to them.  No, no…it’s addressed to me, just like all 200 of the other cardboard boxes.  So, in an attempt to determine what to do with these extra goodies, I open boxes that contain gifts intended for me…and my husband does the same. 

Oh well.  That’s ok.  After all, Christmas isn’t about the stuff anyway.

Because service to others is an especially important virtue at Christmastime, I am sure to provide my Gift-Givers with important notifications of stuff arrival or, more importantly, debate “stuff arrival” with Gift-Givers, as email notifications have indicated “shipped” or “received”.  As my guests arrive, I locate their stuff and account for any of their stuff that is missing.  (“But it said it was delivered December 12.”)  And finally, I assist last-minute Gift-Giving guests with buying their stuff at just the very time I am creating my List of Cookies to Bake, List of Items to Buy for Cookies to Bake, and List of What Must Get Done in the Next Three Days Before I Bake, being sure to note that I can do a week’s worth of Advent devotionals in one day.

And so, it goes.

You get the point.

I lost the point.

I fell victim to Satan’s trickery of distraction; the more distracted I was, the further apart from God I became.  Focus on Jesus at Christmastime, especially?  No way…I’ll send you to Hobby Lobby.  Prepare your heart for the arrival of Jesus, your Savior? Sorry, much too much to take care of.  Linger in the sweet intimacy of His presence as you reflect on what it means that He actually came for me?  Sure, but only after all the baking is done. 

In all the management of the stuff, I missed it.  I missed the joy of really experiencing Him in the very time that is set apart to do just that.  Sure, I had moments…but moments that were so fleeting because of all that I felt I had to do…all that, “when finished”, I could take in and enjoy.  But the reality?  I was simply too tired to enjoy much of it.  I jumped on the Christmas treadmill and missed out on the benefits of the workout.

As I get further away from the holidays and the tendency to shame myself for creating and enabling these “traditions”, I find myself much more reflective on the overall metaphor of this experience.  Quite simply,

I allowed the stuff to reign on the throne rather than He who came to do that very thing.

And if I’m being totally honest, I don’t just do it at Christmastime.  Most days, some THING, other than Jesus, consumes me. Some THING, other than Jesus, drives my focus, my decision-making, my energy, my time, my money, and even my relationships.  And God knew it would, which is why, as all good Fathers do, Jesus warns us against it: 

¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  Matthew 6:19-21 (NLT)

I believe this caution, like the entire Sermon on the Mount, has everything to do with how we live and really little to do with “stuff”.  Jesus made it clear (v. 21) that what we seek and the condition of our hearts are essentially one in the same.  Turn to Him and we find Him…His love, His promises, His counsel, His commands, His way of living.  But when we turn away from Him (or busy ourselves out of connection with Him), our sin nature quickly takes us off track and we make new alliances, like control, gluttony, over-spending, greed, and consumerism (just to name a “Christmas” few).  Simply, having the wrong treasures leads to our hearts being in the wrong place.  And our hearts being in the wrong place does nothing to help, but rather hurt, the Kingdom of God.  

“Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.”  Matthew 12:30 NIV

So, where’s your heart?  What’s requiring all of you?  Or even most of you?  Or, simply too much of you? 

Think about it for a second.  What do you treasure?  Stuff?  Accolades?  Your image?  Do you control it or does it control you?  Do you find yourself distracted from “the whole point” of your activity, as I was this Christmas?  Do you find yourself making decisions, apart from God, to build the treasure?  (Think of the last birthday party you hosted for your child: is that catalog-worthy layout of backdrops, props, and gourmet cupcakes really about your 5-year old?  I’m guilty too.)  Do you find that you joy-less in the process of “pursuing your treasures”?  What’s your real motivation? 

My real motivation this Christmas was ensuring my family got what they wanted while managing the other moving parts to ensure we were maximizing magical moments and minimizing (ok, totally avoiding) disappointment.  Not only was it unrealistic, it was impossible. 

So of course, I felt empty when it was over.  Of course, I was exhausted.  Of course, I missed it.

What lie have you (and perhaps those closest to you) bought into that is distracting you?  What are you doing that is more about you (but conveniently disguised as “for others”) than it is about Jesus?  Don’t be so quick to move on from this question, or even quickly justify your thoughts with a reconciliation exercise that allows you to walk away with a clean list.  Spend some time asking God to show you.  And then invite Him in to help you re-establish the treasures in your life.  When He does, it will feel like hopeful conviction, not debilitating condemnation. 

As I’ve asked these very questions, I’ll admit it terrifies me a bit.  What if I don’t like what I hear?  What if it means radical change?  But then by faith, I am reminded that God’s ways are always good ways because He is my loving Father.  And further, God’s way of living usually contradicts the world’s.  If you want to live for God, you must be ready to say and do what seems strange to the world.  It may even mean re-creating new traditions or doing things differently than “you’ve always done it”.  But friends, Jesus also promises this:  that we will be Blessed.  And to Jesus, blessed means to experience hope and joy, independent of outward circumstances.  Imagine the possibilities!

I bet you have a “Christmas” of your own.  God came so that we could experience an intimate, personal relationship with Him that allows us to live an abundant life, fully and freely.  The constraints and the chains are not imposed by Him!  It’s a new year.  Take inventory.  Don’t begrudge your season or shame what comes up.  Instead, simply be still and ask God to show you your Christmas.  His sweetness in revealing what I now see is far better than anything I – or any member of my family - got under the tree.